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Me: So, I guess [insert someone's name/group of people here] is planning on flying down for the wedding.
[click clack from typing]
Him: Cool.
Me: Yeah, I didn't realize that they would come, but I guess they are coming...and my parents are still counting heads for their friends so we have to tell the hotel to block more rooms.
Him: Yup.
[continues typing...tap tap tap...]
Me: I'm starting to get a little weirded out that we are going to say our vows and proclaim our love and devotion to one another in front of uncle joe's cousin's sister's best friend. Do you ever feel like we should be getting legally married in private? I feel like this is essentially between you and me and not uncle joe's cousin's sister's best friend. Aren't you weirded out that old coworkers of yours are going to witness us being bound to one another in sickness and in health? I'm starting to feel uneasy about the ceremony part. I'm starting to realize why people get legally married pre-party, or why Jim and Pam got married on the Niagara Falls boat.
Me: Do you ever feel this way?
Him: Nope [click click clack] I'll do what you're most comfortable with though.
Maybe it was because I didn't want to read about the history of the book. Maybe it was because I was really hungry and getting emotional from said hunger. Or maybe I actually feel this way?
Has this been an issue with you and your partner?
19 comments:
I LOVE this. I am forever tweaking my vows and then I stop and think, wait, I am going to say something so deeply personal in front of my professional mentor, distant uncle and annoying cousin? WTH? It's weird. I wish we could invite 30 people and be done with it, but I don't want to offend anyone I really like, so it is what it is.
We actually just talked about the same issue this weekend. I'm particularly weirded out that I haven't met so much of his family (which is scattered all over the country). I'll meet them at the rehearsal party for the first time, and then perform my ceremony for them the next day. Yeah, perform. Because I don't know them so I'm not really "sharing the joy" with them - they're sharing it with J. We essentially said that we're using the rehearsal dinner and other pre-wedding activities to get to know them, that we're reaching out over the next year to give us a chance to kinda get to know each other, and that we're getting the receiving line out of the way early - so they feel welcomed and therefore more welcoming.
I get the running away thing too, but I'd rather share with the people I do care about, so the best I can with everyone else, and then focus on the spaces of joy.
It totally was. We were planning on 80 max, and then we ended up inviting over 200. I was near tears every time I thought about it. Because we live far away from a lot of the people we invited, we ended up with only 115. Whew...
Interesting, I didn't really think about that. Guess it's too late now....Now I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable thinking about it! :)
I have often fantasized about the two of us having a secret vow exchanging ceremony before the actual wedding with just the closest of close friends...like 2.
Our guest list is def larger than I first envisioned...but it just got hard with our large families...pretty much became all or none...and we went with the all to avoid any family conflicts in the future.
I guess it makes me feel good that so many people want to share in our joy...so I try and look at it that way.
Oh how fun it would be to run off and get married on a boat though :)
Do it do it do it!
um, sorry, I shouldn't be pressuring you. But I totally cried during the Jim and Pam wedding like a sap. I loved getting married at City Hall, and I've worked with several clients who have secretly gotten "married for real" in private in advance of their wedding... like Jim and Pam.
But I don't think you'll regret either way that you end up doing it, and I do think that you'll be so focused on your boy during the ceremony that everything else will fade away.
Either way, I definitely recommend taking at least a few minutes before or after the ceremony to be alone and connect in private.
Yep, that weirded me out too. I will say, once you get to the moment you probably won't care who's there.
I'm glad I'm not alone!...and yes, @sjhouser: super romantic to get married on a boat and have water misting in the background!
@A Los Angeles Love: I totally know where you're coming from with using the word "perform". I feel like we're just putting on a show for people too.
@Abbie: 115 sounds like a great number!
@The Alternative Bride: Well I'm certainly glad I didn't bring it up before your wedding. :)
@Jessamyn Harris: Your city hall wedding photo is so sweet!! If not a private ceremony before, you're right, some time alone will be needed to squeel and hug.
@julia: good to know--I'm thinking that's what will happen, or at least that's what I hope will happen. :)
Oh, goodness... you hit the nail on the head! Our wedding will be attended by 35 guests tops... the big reason for having our wedding in Germany (my honey's home) is so we can avoid a huge guest list of people who aren't major people in our lives. His parents are way more understanding about letting us invite just who we want to invite... but if it was up to my parents, I'd have well over 500 people attending!
The nice thing that I'm doing for my parents is getting a videographer and taking nice photos for the viewing party/reception we're holding upon our return from the honeymoon. And we'll have the traditional Asian ceremony for my parents' benefit.
We wanted the ceremony to be intimate... it's bound to be an emotional event-- I wouldn't want to cry in front of "Uncle Joe's cousin's sister's best friend"! I'm too shy!!! :)
But, I understand what it's like coming from a huge Asian family... and it seems like your family is close. I think your ceremony will be very special and certainly very beautiful. :)
lol thanks Mo! i'm over it now :) oh and btw, i left u an award on my blog today. enjoy!
gotta listen to that hunger!!! great video... (hadn't seen that one...)
there's something to be said for a private ceremony. if that's the way you are feeling it!
please let us know what you decide!
-kelley
I'm totally for private ceremonies. As much as we love our parents, we have opted to keep our wedding as small as possible. And since I've already taken the step to do away with so many Chinese "traditions" which simply bear no meaning to us modern asians who live in Westernised societies, I see no reason why I should stop there! I think you guys should just elope hahaha, I know I would. ;)
had not thought about saying our vows in front of everyone (!!!) until it was too late (an hour before the wedding). and i think it is so sweet that your fiance will do whatever you are comfortable with :)
Hmmm...it's kind of strange. I have never felt this way. Even though I have family members I haven't seen in 20 years who called me out of the blue to say they're flying in for the wedding! WTF? I wasn't even going to send them an invite! But my thought is that the people we are inviting may not be a part of our lives anymore, but they were a big part of our lives at one point or another. And of course some of them will bring significant others we have never met or barely know...that doesn't bother me. What I focus on is having people at our wedding that helped shape who we are today, whether when we were 10 years old or 30 years old. I say you have complete control over who you are inviting...don't feel obligated.
I think I know how you feel. We're going through another wedding drama with my family at the moment and it just feels like it's never ending!! We thought our registry wedding was it but noooo... arrgghh!!! But yup, you're sooo not alone!! Good luck with whatever you decide!
Thanks for all the comments ladies!
@Luxeville: 35 guests! I'm envious but also relieved that you too have to go through the traditional banquet too.
@Born to Be: So true--you know I think the day of, once I see so many people from my life, I'll be glad that they are there. I hope.
@blushingjoy: It never does end, does it? Glad to have you along for the support. ;)
We said our vows in front of some guests that we weren't super close to. I didn't feel self-conscious about it. But our vows were pretty traditional. I get where you're coming from though. I guess I just never thought about it. Also, I was pissed for a long time before our wedding about our guest list and how big it was. Then the wedding came and went, and now I could care less. Take it from this has-been bride...everything will be okay :) xo
I'm leaning to doing a private ceremony when I get married....just b/c I don't want people to see my ugly cry. ;) hehe.
Story of our wedding. I wanted small. He wanted huge. In the end, I didn't care who else was there - big or small. I was happy and he was the only face I saw. I'm sure it will be the same for you. :)
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