The First Year of Marriage

[Frozen cupcakes and cookies, one year old from our wedding last year--they are still thawing in the fridge, we cheated and ate a new cupcake from Sprinkles!]

Yesterday marked our one year wedding anniversary (*trumpets! fireworks!*). Unfortunately, I was too tired to do a blog post. BUT I am tired out of happiness, because it's been a really fun weekend so far. I feel super spoiled after having gone on vacation, and then having all of this fourth of July weekend merriment. I got to meet my newborn nephews, celebrate my cousin's wedding, and after our flight back home, we spent the day in Point Loma at Cabrillo National Monument and Sunset Cliffs.

[View of sailboats from Cabrillo National Monument]

After a good walk along the cliffs, we ate dinner on the patio of Pomodoro, and then split this lemon blueberry cupcake from Sprinkles. We might be adventurous today and eat the frozen ones from our wedding. (Or not, haha)

[Lemon blueberry cupcake from Sprinkles]

In honor of the "paper anniversary" we bought these papel picado hot air balloons on our New Mexico trip. We're hanging them in our office so we can be reminded of happy times as we toil away at our work.  I'm also now enamored by papel picado. I've always loved Chinese paper cuts. As a kid, I used to cut out templates my mom would buy for me in Chinatown. It didn't occur to me how much I love papel picado too until we saw so many of them in Santa Fe. I totally want to try making a (very simple) banner now.

[The boy modeling three of the colors in the 12-piece banner]

Finally, because this post is titled "The First Year of Marriage", I'm concluding this wrap-up of fun stuff with some contemplative thoughts about the changes in our relationship after the wedding.

Like our relationship at any time, there were highs and lows. I recall our lowest low being an argument in which we actually debated who inflicted more stress on the other. I also wasn't myself for a few months, which probably contributed to the "I stress you out?! YOU stress me out!" fights. I think the "being married" distinction also messed with me head--I didn't know "how to be married". In my fog of what I perceived as instability, I wanted a foolproof marriage plan--where was this magical solution to prevent divorce? Where could I get it? How could I do it? What did we need to do to ensure we are happy? When my mind was racing and my anxiety was high, I didn't have the sense to realize that "being married" isn't derived from a list of requirements. It's what we want it to be.

After a year of being married, I'm even more thankful I have the boy in my life. Out of the haze of my anxiety, I came to the realization that the boy truly accepts me for who I am. He never bothers me for not liking what he likes, or wanting to stay home on a Friday night instead of go out with him, or getting way too excited at craft stores and bakeries. He gives me space to be myself instead of molding me to be an "ideal" partner. And that makes me very happy.

What lessons did you learn in your first year of marriage? Did you eat year-old wedding cake??

One Year Anniversary/Birthday Trip: New Mexico

[After my birthday dinner at Cafe Pasqual's in Santa Fe (loved it here)--we were both very tired but full and happy!]

I had a lot of confused looks from people preceding the trip: "New Mexico? How random." And even on the trip, people kept asking why we chose New Mexico. But I'm so glad we went. It was a beautiful, more affordable (compared to Hawaii) getaway destination that allowed us some time to reconnect. 

Here's a breakdown of our 3 nights in the Southwest.

What We Did: 

+ We floated down the Rio Grande Gorge in a hot air balloon ride in Taos, a town about an hour and a half north of Santa Fe. The ride was gorgeous, and most definitely the highlight of our entire trip. I'm not sure either one of us has woken up so early (3:45 AM!) but we did. And we loved it. We took the tour through Pueblo Balloon Company. They drove us to the site, let us watch our balloon be blown up, and then took us down the gorge. To top it off, we had a champagne brunch at the end of the flight.

+ In Santa Fe, we wandered around The Plaza and checked out some local art, including these incredible wooden flowers from The Rainbow Man.

 

+ In Albuquerque, we took the Sandia Tramway and caught this amazing sight of a rainbow in the clouds. 

Where We Stayed: 

In Santa Fe, we stayed two nights at Terrain Santa Fe, a boutique bed and breakfast about 20 minutes outside The Plaza. It was one of the nicest places we have ever stayed in, and definitely the quietest! Not only were there ample spots outside to lounge/relax/meditate, but inside we had our own jacuzzi tub, plus a hot tub outside that we could soak in under a bed of stars. Looking to book your honeymoon/second honeymoon/'get away from it all' couples trip? This place fits the bill. We stayed in the Shoji Suite and had everything we could ever want at our fingertips.

 [The outside patio, which looks out onto a beautiful landscape and is surrounded by wind chimes and fountains.]

[The amazing bath tub! The room also had all of these candles which made the whole place magical.]

On our last night, we stayed at the Chocolate Turtle Bed and Breakfast in Corrales, a village outside of Albuquerque. The Chocolate Turtle was lovely, with beautiful views and cute bunnies, road runners, and quails scurrying around the yard. It was very different from Terrain in that it had more of a family-oriented/homey feel to it rather than a chic/urban oasis vibe. It was quite comforting to stay there--we ended up playing cards on the porch with another couple and then watched a movie with snacks and popcorn. Man we sound old.

 [The view from the backyard at the Chocolate Turtle--you can see the Sandia Mountains in the distance.]

[We stayed in the very colorful Road Runner Room.]

What We Ate:

 I saved the best for last! Since we stayed at b&bs, we ate a lot of our meals at the inns. No complaints here, all the food was delicious. Behold, the breakfast we were served at Terrain Santa Fe:

[Stacked New Mexico blue corn enchiladas, sunnyside egg, ginger granola parfait with mixed berries, strawberry lemonade, scones, raspberry streusel--are you full yet?]

I also had my first fritatta at the Chocolate Turtle, which was SO GOOD. It had feta, parmesan cheese, mushrooms, spinach, and tomatoes. Mmmm...

And because I can't leave any post about food without mentioning sweets, we visited two chocolate shops part of "The Santa Fe Chocolate Trail": Kakawa Chocolate House (really, really cute space--I bought some peanut butter bites here for my niece) and C.G. Higgins (super nice owner who helped us picked out gifts and gave us free chocolate-covered strawberries,) which we had a Groupon for and bought lots of yummy treats like chile caramel corn and raspberry chocolate fudge. 

[Truffles from C.G. Higgins]

Hope you've enjoyed my New Mexico recap!

We're already brainstorming our next getaway.

How about you, what's your favorite destination to reconnect and unwind?

Looking Like Your Partner

[What do you think? We look related, don't we?]

Maybe it was love at first sight because we look so similar. Not only do the boy and I have similar facial features, but we're also of similar height and weight. When we met, I wasn't keeping my eye out for another me. In fact, knowing me and my quest to be distinguishable from everyone around me, I was probably looking for my exact opposite. But, alas, here we are, a petite pair brimming with doe-eyed innocence. 

Soooo my interest was piqued when I saw this new dating site (y'know, not for me to date, but just as a societal curiosity,) Find Your Face Mate, which apparently matches you up based on similar facial features. Mmmhmmmm. That's right, technology will analyze your face and find people that look like you with the hopes that you will have magical sparks when you see your nose on someone else's face. Weird? Creepy? Nonsensical? Funny? I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. BUT I bet you're aching to sign up and see who you match up with, aren't you??

For those of you in relationships, do you look like your partner? Have you noticed looking more and more like each other as the years pass? Do you like having friends that look like you? Discuss!

Compromises + Moving

Here is the short and really positive version of this post: We're moving! It has two bedrooms! Vaulted ceilings! A window facing north so that I don't have to take so many photos with my flash!

Here is the long and more detailed version of this post: Last week, we got good news. We've been wanting to move to a new neighborhood in San Diego for a long time, except that our lease was up in July, which was when we got married. Getting married + Moving=Headache I Did Not Want To Deal With. So we renewed our lease.

Last week we got a letter.

Dear Mo, remember how you want to move to the beach and live next door to your best girlfriend? Well, now you can! We're changing your lease from 12 months, to month to month, just because we love you! Pack up the cat and get out of here. Off you go to a cuter neighborhood that has a coffee shop other than Starbucks, go now! Love, the apartment fairies

I was so excited that I was thisclose to packing up our first box of stuff. 

But we didn't end up looking at new apartments, and the boy halted my craigslist research, to which I responded with wwwhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyy.

For very pragmatic reasons that the boy pointed out, ie proximity to both of our workplaces, cheaper rent, and a washer/dryer in the unit, we're staying in our complex but just moving to another unit with more space. Sigh, I was so close to leaving, so close.

This is a good thing, it really is, more space! Huzzah! I'm just being a big baby and just had held too many fantasies of walking outside and doing yoga on the beach. Maybe one day my friends. 

Dear Mo, before you move, you might want to check out that anonymous bag of clothes...or that box of files you haven't touched since 2007...or those toiletries you ignore in the back of the closet. Just sayin'. Love, the apartment fairies

A Rainbow After the Storm

[Taken by the boy from his work desk]

While I am with my family eating a lot of food and watching movies I've missed (Julie&Julia, loved it!), the boy continues to toil away at his desk. Today he sent me a photo of this rainbow from his work window, and it made me really miss him. This past week, when I've had time to slow down and actually screw my head on properly, I've realized just how important he is in my life. It sounds stupid, really, because of course he's important! He's your husband!

But every now and then, in between our hectic schedules, I need a reminder. Recently I went into crisis mode, and every time that happens I get the warm fuzzies by how my family and friends, especially the boy,  rally by my side. In all my times of neediness, I am reminded of what loving people I have in my life who really care about what is best for me.

I honestly  haven't been doing so hot these past couple of months, but after talking to and seeing family and friends, I see greener pastures up ahead. And they include bright rainbows.
                          

Getting Away and Where To Go

[This beautiful print is by Nidhi Chanani. I love everything in Nidhi Chanani's Etsy shop!! Please check out her work here, and you can buy this print now for 15% off for the holidays! I think it would make a great present to anyone appreciative of illustration and cuddling. I'm still trying to decide which one I want for our apartment.]

Sorry. I've been delinquent, I see that my last post was on Sunday. It is finals week, and the mean scary monsters called stress and anxiety overtook my body and made me do some scary things, like eat In N' Out multiple times, leave coffee cups all over my desk, and wallow on the couch with my favorite procrastinating question--what am I doing with my life and am I fulfilled? Let me sit here and ponder that for three hours while I watch episodes of Gilmore Girls I've already seen and eat out of this bag of Craisins.

While I've been unproductive, it occurred to me that our 6 month wedding anniversary and our engage-a-versary fall on the same day--January 3rd! To get me out of my funk, I've declared that we celebrate, with possibly a weekend retreat where we don't sit on the couch and wallow because I am so done with that. 

I just don't know where to go or what to do. 

Where do you go to regain strength and find clarity? Any suggestions for a weekend getaway in Southern California?

On Not Doing Chores

Chores are an issue in our home. I wish I could write that the boy does just as many chores as I do. I wish I could say that he actually knows how to clean the shower and that he cleans the litter box on a whim just to surprise me. I'll admit, I think he's better than some--he'll take out the trash, vacuum, do his own laundry. But it's minimal work, and as a result, I've just stopped caring as much too. What has happened is that neither one of us puts much effort into making our apartment more...homey. It makes me explode periodically.

This week, in an effort for more chore equity, the boy made a Google spreadsheet with all the chores that needed to be done. [This is how much we're tied to our computers. While I was doing work at home, and he was doing work at work, we were chatting in Google docs and filling this spreadsheet out online. I'm sure normal people would sit down with a pad and pen. In the same room. Face to face.]

So far, the cat has finished her chores (cuddling and cleaning herself) but I'm slowly working through mine. I think I managed to take out the trash and do some laundry. *pats self on back*

How do you divide up chores? Anyone track your chores on Google docs like us nerds? How do people keep their homes clean??

You Don't Need To Impress Anyone Anymore, You're Married

These were the exact words he used the last time I mentioned putting any effort into an outfit. I also like "why are you putting on makeup to go grocery shopping??" and "why are you wearing that, I'm not even going to be at this party!" or "Awww, you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. This is the girl I fell in love with." Le sigh.

Back to the point, I don't really understand his argument of letting yourself go just because you got married. Because I'm married I should stop exercising, plucking my eyebrows, shaving my legs, getting regular haircuts, and wearing make-up? It sounds a little too close to my habits in college, and thank goodness I've stepped it up in terms of grooming since then. (Someone should have also burned those black loafers I used to wear, oh em gee were those ugly shoes.)

I mean, it really assumes that the entire time we were together before marriage, I was taking care of myself so that I could keep him attracted until we got married...or it could also mean that I was in peak condition JUST IN CASE someone cuter and more desirable walked through the door and I needed to look cute in case he wanted to whisk me away. (I know, totally not possible, right?) In any case...

I'm not letting myself go. (At least for this first year of being newlyweds.) First on my holiday list of still caring about the way I look is this top.

[Wildflowers in Flight top]

Which will look super hot with skinny jeans. And these shoes.

[Gabby Pump]

And yes. Sometimes putting on lipstick is necessary to go grocery shopping.

A Long Distance Marriage

[In a long distance relationship? Miss a friend? Send 'em this adorable letterpress postcard from rarrarpress]

Before you jump to any conclusions, no, I'm not moving. I'm still here in our home in San Diego, and have the luxury of getting take-out with the boy on any random weeknight, and waking up and having him there everyday. We do things like take turns getting the mail, driving the other one to work, sharing groceries, being available to hang out together with friends. We don't fly or drive in order to see each other. We share the same address.

Thank goodness, because long distance is HARD.

Twice we have been long distance, both times were because I moved away, both times were miserable. There's no feeling like being away from your love for 6-10 weeks at a time and then seeing each other after trying to talk on the phone, write emails, and send care packages in the mail. (For anyone taking notes, Godiva chocolates delivered to your doorstep in a heart-shaped box are a pretty great surprise.)

So why in the world would I even be thinking about moving away, especially since I wrote this post about following him? While thinking of my next career steps in the next few years, I decided to torture myself and look at options in other cities. And because I love hypothetical scenarios, my next thought was, would it be possible to move by myself and be married? What if I applied to a job somewhere else, and it was such a great opportunity that I couldn't pass it up? Because of his obligations, the possibility of the boy following me, ever, are slim. It would mean having a long distance marriage and waiting for that fateful day when we would share an address again.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What do you think about a married couple living apart to pursue their careers?

Who Pays for Dinner?

[YUM!!! Green tea and caramel macaroons at Tateru Yoshino]

Our splurge in Tokyo was a night at Michelin-rated Tateru Yoshino, which is a French restaurant with Japanese influence. We were looking over the menu after being promptly seated (and after I was complimented on how beautiful I looked that night. Sweet, I like this place!)

Him: Ok, which tasting menu do you want to get?

Me: Um...I don't know. Whichever one is cheaper. Which one is that?

Him: The duck course.

Me: Oh...I don't see the price, how come they don't list it on here?

Him: It's at the bottom after the courses.

Me: I don't see it.

Him: Right after the dessert listing.

Me: Still don't see it. Is it in Japanese?

Him: No, it's in English.

[He hands me his menu and points]

Him: See, right here.

[Mo looks at her menu. Then at the boy's. Then at hers again.]

I had to do a double-take, because the boy's menu had prices listed, and mine DIDN'T. Oh em gee, I wonder who they expected to pay for dinner?? Sure enough, when the bill came they gave it to him instead of placing it in the middle. I'd never experienced anything like it.

Has anyone been given a menu without prices?

And while we're on the topic, ever been in an awkward date situation in which you don't know who should pay? I remember our first date in which we sort of split it--he paid for the dinner, I paid for dessert. But we all know whose idea it was to get dessert in the first place.

[At Tateru Yoshino]

You're Keeping Your Name? What About Your Kids?

I am still Mo Mylastname. He is still Boy Hislastname. There were no problems about keeping both our last names, and very little discussion, so three cheers for an easy decision and no drama!

But the problem arises when we talk about our future children.

Me: What if we switch off, the first kid gets my last name, and the second one gets yours.

Him: Whaaaaaat. No, I really want them to have my name.

Me: Why?

Him: Because the family name has to live on.

Me: Oh...well ok how about all the boys can get your name, but all the girls have mine.

Him: What?! What if we only have girls??

Me: Then the family name won't be passed on anyway!

Him: I really really want them to have my last name.

Me: Ok if they get your last name you have no say whatsoever in the first name.

Him: I get veto power.

Me: Uh, no. No veto power. If I want to name the kid Seven, the kid is going to be named Seven, no questions asked. Or I could just name them all Mo.

[Boy writhing in pain]

Me: Y'know the cat has my last name on the vet bill, and you didn't protest that.

The secret (that I already told the boy, and no, I won't name our kid after a name made up by George Costanza or my own name, I just like torturing him,) is that I like his name better. It's sweeter. Easier to say. Goes with a lot of first names. It comes earlier in the alphabet. It also sounds like the name of an animal, so, hello! toys and decorations of that animal galore. So here I am admitting on my blog that for purely shallow reasons and because my last name does not sound like a cute animal...I would not mind if my children had Hislastname.

(But we have time and things can change, so I'll keep you posted.)

Did you or your partner change (or plan to change) your name? If you have kids, whose last name do they have, or what do you plan on doing for your future children?

Call Us Mom and Dad

This was the request my mother-in-law had right before the wedding. Why don't you call us Mom and Dad from now on? I said OK, but I never did because it just felt WEIRD.

Do you call your in-laws Mom and Dad, and if you do, how long did it take to get used to calling them that?

A Bachelor Party or Your Birthday?

My birthday is the Saturday the week before our wedding. It also happens to be the same week that the boy's group of guy friends have the week off from school.

The idea was brought up to have a bachelor party/weekend in Vegas the week before the wedding when they are all free--aka, the weekend of my birthday.

At first I said "What!?! That's my birthday!" But now I'm realizing that there might not be a better time for them to go. And I got to have a bridal shower, he should some sort of male bonding trip, no?

How would you react if your partner planned to take off with his/her buddies the weekend of your birthday?

Should I encourage the trip and just do something else?

I Followed a Boy

When I first moved to San Diego, sometimes I felt like lying to people. The first question out of people's mouths when I told them I was new to town was "so, what made you move?" and I really, really wanted a cool story to tell them, like I was recruited for some really impressive job and that I had a condo on the beach. Instead I told the truth because I really suck at lying, and had to admit that I followed my boyfriend. In fact, I have followed him twice, and I'll probably follow him a couple more times because that's just the nature of what he wants to do with his career. (It makes it easy to keep friends via my blog, not so easy to keep friends in the Real World.)

I think I am finally okay with telling people that I moved for him, but for at least a few years I was really struggling with the fact that his ambition was going to determine where I lived. I credit my best friends and family for convincing me that it was okay, that moving together was good for both of us. I remember this mini-breakdown I had in New York about moving in together (I had a lot of those) and an older, wiser co-worker told me that what I had was a beautiful thing and to quit listening to people who tell you what you're supposed to be like in your 20s. Thank you co-worker. I'm really glad I did.

Anyway--I was up late thinking about it and wondered how many people were in the same boat. Have you or will you move for your partner? Anyone else follow a boy or girl?