A Long Distance Marriage

[In a long distance relationship? Miss a friend? Send 'em this adorable letterpress postcard from rarrarpress]

Before you jump to any conclusions, no, I'm not moving. I'm still here in our home in San Diego, and have the luxury of getting take-out with the boy on any random weeknight, and waking up and having him there everyday. We do things like take turns getting the mail, driving the other one to work, sharing groceries, being available to hang out together with friends. We don't fly or drive in order to see each other. We share the same address.

Thank goodness, because long distance is HARD.

Twice we have been long distance, both times were because I moved away, both times were miserable. There's no feeling like being away from your love for 6-10 weeks at a time and then seeing each other after trying to talk on the phone, write emails, and send care packages in the mail. (For anyone taking notes, Godiva chocolates delivered to your doorstep in a heart-shaped box are a pretty great surprise.)

So why in the world would I even be thinking about moving away, especially since I wrote this post about following him? While thinking of my next career steps in the next few years, I decided to torture myself and look at options in other cities. And because I love hypothetical scenarios, my next thought was, would it be possible to move by myself and be married? What if I applied to a job somewhere else, and it was such a great opportunity that I couldn't pass it up? Because of his obligations, the possibility of the boy following me, ever, are slim. It would mean having a long distance marriage and waiting for that fateful day when we would share an address again.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What do you think about a married couple living apart to pursue their careers?


julia::ordinarysaturdays said...

That sounds like it would be really hard. Would you have a plan to live in the same city again at a definite time? That might help.

ruthy ann said...

i think it would be miserable...and I think it's a formula for a marriage NOT to work. I know some people say they can do it, but I wonder what their marriages are really like.

Mo said...

Yeah, you're both right, it would be hard. I think this post was written in panic mode, but I've since calmed down! Part of my interest in the topic comes from a piece I read in the NY Times Modern Love column: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/15/fashion/15love.html. The couple was pursuing tenure track positions in different cities, and I'm amazed that they were able to pursue the careers they wanted in two different places, while still being married. After reading, a flicker in my mind thought "I wonder if I can do that?"
I'd miss my boy too much.

Brandi said...

My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship -- I'm here in San Diego, he's in NJ. Luckily, it's not for too much longer, but there are days when it can be really, really hard. Knowing there's an end in sight really helps.

joyce said...

Hmmm, I did considered this many a times but Ryan would never let me do it. And being away from him for 3 weeks when I was travelling was hard so I guess that experience sealed it. I believe that it can work for some couples though but the both of them have to be really committed to each other throughout the whole thing which is not an easy thing.

The Professional Bridesmaid said...

3 years and counting for me and the BF...but he is BF and not HB. hehe. I think it would be way harder once married and settled to do long distance. Relationships need care and fostering....if you don't have to be long distance, I say don't. I"m going to check out that NY Times article you mentioned.

Mo said...

@Brandi: Hang in there Brandi, the summer's not too far away!

@Joyce: It's comforting to know that you've considered it too. I ran it by the boy and he sort of brushed me off because I don't think he actually believes I would ever do it!

@The Professional Bridesmaid: 3 years, oh man. You're a true LD warrior.
If ever you make the big move to Southern California, you know who to call to go get cupcakes and shoe shop!

Kelly Leigh said...

I am wondering whether I could do long distance now. We were long distance for 8 years (he is English, I'm American) We got married last year and moved to the UK where he has a good job. But there are literally no opportunities for me in England. I can't help but want to move back to the US and pursue my own career.

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