Yesterday I was getting something at the mall cafe with my girlfriend, when I walked by these.
And they spoke to me.
Shoes: Hi Mo! Aren't we cute? We just wanted to grab your attention for a minute because we know we go with your dress-your dress does have silver details, doesn't it? And isn't your jewelry pretty bling? We are big on bling.
Me: Oh, why hello there Vera Wang shoes. My, you are very pretty.
Shoes: Thank you.
Me: Unfortunately, I've had my shoes since November. And, you're $100 more than them. $100 can buy me another person at our wedding, or a new summer dress, or a hair cut and color, or--
Shoes: --oh, I know we look more high maintenance than your other shoes, but really we're a lot more comfortable and flexible. And, what's $100? Hmmm? If you could spend $100 to be happier, wouldn't you? We just want you to be happy on your wedding day.
Why don't you try us on? The display is a 7, it might fit you even though you're a 6.5. See how observant we are? We even know what shoe size you are.
Me: Well, I don't---
Shoes: TRY US ON.
[slips on shoes, walks to mirror]
Shoes: Gorgeous, no? We look really nice on your feet. The 7, not bad at all! This might even be your size. And look, we can see the pedicure you just got. Your other shoes, well, they aren't peep-toes like we are. Who's going to care if you picked the perfect shade of pink if they're hidden, hmmmm?
Me: Good point.
Shoes: We know, we are smart. And pretty.
Me: You are very pretty. Almost too pretty.
Shoes: Why thank you. Would you like to use your VISA to purchase us? We also take Mastercard. Or cash. We aren't picky.
Me: Um...well, hmmmmmmm....no, I like you, I really do. You're a great pair of shoes. It's not you, it's me. I have to think about it before I give up my old shoes. I hope you understand.
Shoes: Sure, yeah, no problem, it's cool, really cool, we understand, you take your time. You know where we're at.
...But we know you'll make the right decision.
What? You don't talk to fashion?